From the Desk of Grendrey Melson:

Learn to Improve Your Success in the Dating Scene

Almost no one would argue that dating is always easy. Though dating is designed to be fun, there can come a point in our lives where our lack of what we consider success to be can leave us disillusioned, lonely and feeling like a failure at love.

Unfortunately, once we begin to have these feelings of disillusionment, we often change our dating behavior, and this is when we may make the situation even worse.

Focusing on dating and on finding a partner is important, but when it becomes too much of a priority, it can also cause big problems, because we begin to try too hard, and may compromise our own desires in the process. In addition, we may look desperate to potential partners, which is a huge turnoff. Here are some things to try to help you improve your dating situation and your life – at the same time.

1. Get a Life – Many people spend their evenings hanging out at bars or searching the Internet for dates. And, while both of these are perfectly fine ways to meet someone, they're not the only ways to meet someone, and they leave you with the feeling that the time spent was worthless if you didn't meet someone. Instead, pursue something you really enjoy, such as a sport or a hobby that gets you out and mingling. You may very well meet someone with similar interests, but even if you don't, you've had fun.
   
   
2. Make a life – Stop putting off the things you want to do because you always thought you would do them with a partner. Buy a house, take a fabulous vacation or move to another part of the world. Pursue your dreams, with or without a partner. Once you have a full life on your own, you'll be happier, and you're much more likely to attract someone.
   
   
3. Take stock of your expectations. Many people get nowhere with dating because their expectations are unrealistic. Some people wind up with no dates because they're simply too picky, and rule out potential dates over things like having been married before, having children or looking for someone in a very narrow age range. These people need to broaden their horizons and be open to different types of people. On the other hand, some people don't set their standards high enough. These people go on a lot of dates, but don't end up in a meaningful relationship because they pick the wrong people.
   
   
4. Lighten up.  It's never a good idea to have huge expectations of a first date. It can make you look like you're trying too hard or that you're desperate. It can also lead you to be very disappointed if the date doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped.  Consider a first date simply as an opportunity to get to know someone and have a good time. The only decision you need to make about the person at the end of the evening is whether or not you'd go out with them again.
   
   
5. Put yourself out there. We've talked a lot about not looking desperate and not trying too hard. Those are important things to keep in mind. However, another primary reason why people find themselves lonely and dateless is that they don't make finding a relationship a priority in their life, and they don't put themselves in situations that might help them find someone. Working long hours and eating takeout in front of the television every night isn't a great way to meet people. The patterns you've had in the past haven't worked, so it's time to come up with new ones. The love of your life is not going to knock on your front door. So, it's important for you to make time in your life to do things that you enjoy and that will help you to meet potential partners.

Smile, laugh, and be friendly to strangers. Enjoy the company of your friends and family and get out and do things you enjoy. Put yourself in situations where you're certain to meet new people, focusing on an activity you'll enjoy, not on whether or not the people you meet will be potential dates.

All of these things will help to give you a happy life. When you have a happy life, you're no longer obsessing about the fact that you don't have a partner, yet you're out doing exactly the things that will attract a partner. Love will hit you when you're not looking.

Dating is a delicate balance of putting yourself in a position where opportunities can present themselves, acting on those opportunities and yet not tying your self esteem and happiness to being in a relationship. When you can master this delicate balance, you give yourself the very best chance of finding that special someone and of loving the life you have all along the way.

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